Real Stories of Young Cancer Survivors: Balancing School and Treatment
Returning to school after a cancer diagnosis can be an overwhelming challenge, filled with unique hurdles and unexpected moments. In this episode of Life On Pause, young adult cancer survivors Sammy, Nathan, and Corene share their personal stories of navigating the educational landscape during and after their treatments. From missed school days to balancing social lives, these survivors open up about the emotional and physical obstacles they faced, and how cancer shaped their academic paths. Tune in to hear their candid reflections on dealing with teachers, peers, and the unexpected lessons that come with a life-changing diagnosis. Whether you're a student, educator, or cancer survivor, this episode offers heartfelt insights into the realities of balancing school and survivorship.
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00:00 - Introduction: Cancer and School Challenges
01:16 - Diagnosed with Cancer in High School and College
06:11 - Telling Friends and Teachers About Cancer
15:06 - Navigating College During Cancer Treatment
17:45 - Career and Life Changes After Cancer
31:41 - Emotional and Physical Challenges After Cancer
52:53 - Changed Perspectives After Surviving Cancer
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00:00 - Introduction: Cancer and School Challenges
01:16 - Diagnosed with Cancer in High School and College
06:11 - Telling Friends and Teachers About Cancer
15:06 - Navigating College During Cancer Treatment
17:45 - Career and Life Changes After Cancer
31:41 - Emotional and Physical Challenges After Cancer
52:53 - Changed Perspectives After Surviving Cancer
Sammy
Welcome to Life on Pause, a podcast defining the experiences of being a young adult with cancer.
Sammy
Each episode, we explore issues impacting young adults in and after treatment.
Sammy
Have something to add?
Sammy
Come join us for our next recording.
Sammy
Tonight we're going to talk about heading back to school with cancer.
Sammy
For anyone who's comfortable, we'll start with introductions and where you were in school when you were diagnosed.
Sammy
I'll kick it off.
Sammy
So my name is Sammy.
Sammy
I am 28.
Sammy
I was 18 years old when I was diagnosed, so I'm about to hit my ten.
Sammy
Yeah.
Sammy
So I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
Sammy
I had just hit college.
Sammy
I was about six months into my first semester at Penn State, and I was actually diagnosed at my university health services building.
Sammy
So that was pretty fun.
Sammy
Thanks.
Sammy
I always credit Penn State for that.
Nathan
My name's Nathan.
Nathan
I'm 21 now.
Nathan
I was 13 when I was diagnosed with Ewing's sarcoma.
Nathan
That was.
Nathan
I just gotten out of 7th grade.
Nathan
It was actually genuinely the first week of summer in 7th grade when I was diagnosed.
Nathan
So I ended up missing all of 8th grade.
Nathan
But I got back into school ready for high school.
Corine
My name is Corine.
Corine
I was 16 years old when I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma.
Corine
It was February of my junior year of high school.
Corine
So at that time, I was thinking about prom and thinking about what were my plans going to be going into college.
Corine
And it happened at a very, very busy time of my life when it.
Sammy
Happened, did you disclose your diagnosis to teachers and classmates?
Sammy
And if so, how did you tell them?
Corine
So, for me, I was supposed to go on a school field trip that Monday for biology club.
Corine
We always did, like, a big field trip.
Corine
The prior week, I had gone to the doctors because I thought, like, my shoulder hurts so bad.
Corine
And I literally got to the point where I couldn't put my book bag on it.
Corine
So that was on that Friday.
Corine
We had gone to, like, my PCP and then we went for blood work.
Corine
I got a chest x ray that night and they called and they were like, you can either go to Geisinger or you can go to Hershey tomorrow morning, but, like, you need to go.
Corine
So that was Saturday.
Corine
And I had to, like, my boy, my high school boyfriend, he was, like, very supportive and was there, and I had to, like, obviously call out of school on Monday because I was getting my lymph node biopsy and everyone was kind of like, they had thrown out the word cancer, but we weren't sure.
Corine
And then Wednesday, I remember doctor Barber had called me and was like, we need to set up a family meeting.
Corine
And I remember I just asked him, like, can you tell me if I have cancer?
Corine
And he was like, very quiet.
Corine
And he was like, you have Hodgkin's lymphoma.
Corine
And I had, of course, like, texted all of my close friends.
Corine
And by the time that I had walked into school in the morning, I feel like everyone knew.
Corine
So it wasn't.
Corine
I, by, like, no means was trying to hide it at all.
Nathan
My doctor was also doctor Barb when I started.
Corine
Oh, he was the best miss I'm so gritty.
Nathan
I was really upset when he had to leave.
Nathan
I know I wanted him to stay.
Nathan
I had been having headaches and that's what brought about going to the ER.
Nathan
And I had been having headaches during the final weeks, like week and a half week, two weeks of 7th grade.
Nathan
And so the people around me knew that I was having these headaches.
Nathan
And my close friends, the one I can think of at least the one that I spent the most time with, was kind of seemed concerned, but it was like, it was all right until I had.
Nathan
I went to the ER and the doctor said, oh, it's not anything, it's just a migraine.
Nathan
And so you can medicine, treatment, whatever, you're never going to have a headache again.
Nathan
But a week later when I'm back, they did a CAT scan and said, you're going to Hershey.
Nathan
But that was during the summer.
Nathan
And so I ended up just missing.
Nathan
I didn't really tell anyone.
Nathan
I didn't, like, text.
Nathan
I might have texted a couple close friends about it, but, like, I think my mom probably did most of the talking to, like, the school and the summer camp being like, hey, my son's not going to be in camp.
Nathan
He's dealing with this.
Nathan
So I didn't really, I guess I really didn't tell very many people.
Nathan
But I do remember when I got back, oh, during this, during the school year, like during my 8th grade school year, I did get a big stack of kind of like, get well cards, I guess my history professor, my history teacher for that year that I would have had like men, like said it to the class and they all made cards.
Nathan
So, I mean, then those people knew.
Nathan
But I didn't really ever, ever like, reach out and be like, hey, this happened.
Nathan
Obviously, family finds out through, you know, mom talking on the phone, dad talking on the phone, but I never really specifically told a lot of people.
Nathan
Just kind of happened.
Sammy
Mine was kind of strange because when you're, I was in sort of a transitional period where my high school friends knew because I was much closer to them.
Sammy
But I was fresh into college, so I barely had a friend group there.
Sammy
I knew nobody going to college.
Sammy
And so my fledgling friends in college, I just was getting to know them, and I was like, hey, by the way, I have cancer.
Sammy
So it was sort of a crash course on, like, are you in it?
Sammy
Are you friends with me?
Sammy
Are you gonna stick it out?
Sammy
And they did credit to them.
Sammy
And as for, like, telling the, like, teachers, there was no, like, discussion between all of my teachers.
Sammy
I had to, like, at the beginning of each semester, like, schedule a meeting with each of my professors and, like, sit down with them and be like, give them the talk and basically be like, hi, so I'm undergoing treatment.
Sammy
I might miss classes.
Sammy
I might be out sick.
Sammy
I'm going to need you to have to understand.
Sammy
Here is my, like, essentially pass from the university for this.
Sammy
And it was always so awkward.
Sammy
And all of these professors, like, 50 and 60 years old, just seeing their faces go immediately white.
Sammy
Seeing this 18 year old girl come in and be like, why is she meeting with me?
Sammy
It's the first week of class.
Sammy
And then having her be like, by the way, the big C word.
Sammy
So always super awkward having Beth talk with them.
Sammy
What do you wish your teachers would have done differently?
Sammy
Or what your teachers would have known.
Corine
One of the most?
Corine
I would say, like, every single teacher was so supportive.
Corine
Every single teacher was so understanding.
Corine
I think they all knew that, like, I technically didn't have to go to school.
Corine
I could have stayed home.
Corine
And I pushed myself because I didn't want to be the person, like, the cancer girl that's not at home.
Corine
And in between classes, I go to the bathroom, and I would throw up, or I would just be so drained in class that I would sleep, like, there, but I wasn't.
Corine
And I think they all knew that, but I still was there.
Corine
And specifically, my one english teacher misses dirk.
Corine
Like, she.
Corine
And I still have it.
Corine
I still have the box she gave me that said, hang in there with, like, a little beach scene that I would just, like, tactilely play with.
Corine
And she would make me brownies, and she would just, like, really take a second to check in and be like, hey, kid, like, what's going on?
Corine
And that I really, really appreciated.
Corine
And I don't think that there was a teacher that.
Corine
I think there were some teachers who I personally never had as a teacher, who didn't know how to react or say, like, they knew who I was.
Corine
But I never.
Corine
They were.
Corine
I was never their student.
Corine
So it wasn't as if they could say, like, hey, this is, you know, going on.
Corine
I don't know if there's anything I wish my teachers would do to different.
Corine
If anything, I wish that.
Corine
And I think this is just, like, a high school thing.
Corine
I think we very much live in a culture where, unfortunately, like, bullying and being unkind and the pressure to fit in.
Corine
Like, I understand it's been around forever, but I don't think that my fellow peers as a whole truly understood the gravity of my situation and what I was going through and how much that impacted me and, like, the things that I was experiencing.
Corine
And I wish that there may have been just, like, an open conversation.
Corine
Like, I'm not saying there needed to be an assembly or anything like that, but just, like, a heads up that's like, hey, listen, so and so is coming back to class, and this is what they're going through, or these are things that we should consider.
Corine
And I understand, like, I was only one student in a.
Corine
In a sea of other peers, but I think that sometimes it was just really hard to be able to relate to just being in high school, you know?
Nathan
Yeah, I don't think.
Nathan
I agree.
Nathan
I don't.
Nathan
I mean, for the most part, I think all my teachers did, you know, they didn't do a bad job, right?
Nathan
Like, there wasn't anything that I had a professor do that didn't.
Nathan
Well, now that I think about it, I did get called out one time as someone who had been in a.
Nathan
Like, I can't even remember what the context was, but she was.
Nathan
The teacher asked me, like, to speak on how I felt about some situation that I guess I had some saying because I had had cancer and had been through that trauma.
Nathan
I didn't like that.
Nathan
I was like, well, I don't.
Nathan
I said something.
Nathan
I said, whatever I said, because she asked me out in front of.
Nathan
Asked me in front of the class, but I was like, I don't.
Nathan
I didn't really feel like I could, you know, touch on that.
Nathan
But other than that, all my professor, all my teachers were great for me.
Nathan
I just wish that people would be more direct.
Nathan
Like, people asking me about, oh, why don't you have your hair?
Nathan
But they never say it like that.
Nathan
Or, like, what's with the scar?
Nathan
Again, they don't say like that, but they was always, like, they would tiptoe around it until I was like, yeah, let's have, like, just.
Nathan
Let's just have a conversation.
Nathan
Like, if you're curious.
Nathan
Just ask.
Nathan
Like, I've told the story a million times.
Nathan
I'll tell the story a million more times.
Nathan
I have it.
Nathan
You know, I can tell you to.
Corine
Post it on your head.
Corine
That's like bullet points of what?
Corine
Cause you're so, it's like, literally a rehearse.
Corine
Like, this is my story.
Corine
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nathan
And even, like, people would be like, oh, I didn't want to assume anything, but, like, I, like, I thought this or that, and I was like, well, just ask.
Nathan
Like, you don't have to assume.
Nathan
Just ask, why are you bald?
Nathan
And I say, ah, cancer, you know, is it coming back?
Nathan
No, it's all right, you know, but, oh, one thing I did really like our high school.
Nathan
I think, like, many had a no hats policy in school, and so, well, it was my girlfriend that really did it, but she made me a hat pass because I had a hat pass.
Nathan
Like, I talked to the assistant principal, the principal, and he was like, yeah, you can wear hats.
Nathan
It's all good, but I would still get professional and, like, take your hat off.
Nathan
You know, you're not allowed to wear hats.
Nathan
So my girlfriend made a thing that said hat pass, and she got the principal to sign it, signed b Rob.
Nathan
Like, he signed it great, because, I don't know, it was just, it was nice.
Nathan
And he, that he actually signed it, you know, then I had more of a connection with him, and I talked to him a lot because of that.
Nathan
So that kind of support was great.
Nathan
But, like, again, I think what you said, corinne, about, like, there doesn't necessarily have to be a conversation, but, like, I would have liked to not have to argue about, I'm allowed to wear my hat, you know, but it's whatever.
Nathan
I would take it off, walk down the hallway, put it back on.
Nathan
It's easier than having a conversation.
Sammy
I had a rough time personally with my professors.
Sammy
The college experience, especially in a really, really large college like Penn State, was not particularly welcoming.
Sammy
The professors did not have a personal, like, connection with me most of the time.
Sammy
Most of the time, they did not particularly care about my excuses, excuses.
Sammy
Heavy, heavy quotations.
Sammy
You can't see it, but heavy quotations.
Sammy
And, yeah, it was really, really rough.
Sammy
Like, my other classmates, they didn't necessarily know.
Sammy
I didnt want to have to explain to myself, to every single classmate that I was never going to see again because college, every single semester is different.
Sammy
But, yeah, I really didnt have that great of an experience with my professors in college, and I was quite relieved to graduate and be out of that because it was.
Sammy
It was rough.
Sammy
It's the place to say.
Corine
Yeah, I feel like, I mean, I was in remission when I had gone to college, but I remember, like, one of my annual checkups where you do all.
Corine
It's like your whole day, where shebang, where you have your pft, you have your echoes, you have your blood work, you have your chest x ray, you have, like, your whole.
Corine
You're there from the morning until at night.
Corine
And I remember I had reached out to my one professor just being like, listen, this is my annual oncology appointment.
Corine
Like, I will not be in class today.
Corine
I will get the lecture notes from a friend.
Corine
I just wanted to make you aware very much.
Corine
The response I got back was essentially like, this is college, and however you're choosing to do your journey is on YouTube.
Corine
I don't know if it's that there's just, like, this overwhelming because there's so many students and there are so many things to worry about where you're very much a number and not just, like, a person, but it's very easy to feel minimized and especially when, like, you're going through this big thing and still going through this big thing.
Corine
And I think it's really hard for people to understand that when they're trying to, like, do a million other things.
Nathan
You know, I was lucky enough that because when I was, like I said, I got back into school.
Nathan
I got.
Nathan
I was in remission August, and I started school August.
Nathan
So, you know, at first, it's every three months that you have to go, I was getting mris every three months, and I was getting mris every six months.
Nathan
But, like, I remember freshman year just having, like, the pattern of talking to, emailing teachers and saying, hey, I'm not going to be in class on this day.
Nathan
Hey, I'm not going to be in class on this day.
Nathan
And it kind of felt like I missed a lot of class, but I don't think I really did.
Nathan
But I just remember, like, thinking about having to think about catching up with work.
Nathan
And I'm glad that it was, like, high school work because I can't imagine trying to catch up on college stuff.
Nathan
Like, even right now, I'm an RA and I run the Penn College benefiting Thawne club, and I'm a student and I already feel like I don't have enough time.
Nathan
And if I had to miss, you know, multiple classes a semester in addition to what I already do just cause of life, I'd certainly be a lot more stressed than I am now.
Nathan
Not to say I'm not stressed.
Nathan
Now what?
Sammy
Getting diagnosed in the middle of college definitely changed my career path.
Sammy
Getting diagnosed earlier in life, how did that change your guys view of the future?
Sammy
Did it change your career path or educational path?
Corine
For me, I very much so.
Corine
Like I said, I was a junior in college, which is where you're thinking about.
Corine
I remember three or four months prior, I was taking my SAts, and I was, you know, prom dress shopping, and thinking about where did I want to really consider schools to apply for.
Corine
Because, like, your junior year, everyone says it's the year that matters the most.
Corine
And that was another thing when I got sick, is like, I don't want to mess up my junior year.
Corine
I don't want this to put me back on what I want to do.
Corine
And I changed my career path three different times.
Corine
Like, I was dead set prior to getting diagnosed.
Corine
Like, first I wanted to be, like, a neurologist because I loved the brain, and then I wanted to be a lawyer.
Corine
And when I.
Corine
And then I was like, do I want to do nursing?
Corine
And at first I was like, no, because I don't wanna feel like I have to give back.
Corine
If I'm gonna do this, I wanna do it because it's in my heart.
Corine
So I went to college, majored in political science first, and then found out that there's, like, more people in law school than there are lawyers who are very successful.
Corine
And I didn't like the stats, and just.
Corine
I put myself in a situation where if I had to defend something that was against my morals, and that bothered me.
Corine
So then I changed to forensic chemistry because I was like, I love CSI, and I love all that stuff, so maybe I'll do that.
Corine
And then, at the time, Westchester had lost its accreditation.
Corine
And then I also just didn't know if that's the kind of work I wanted to do my whole life.
Corine
So then it changed again to cellular molecular biology, because I was like, I want to do cancer research.
Corine
That's how I'll give back.
Corine
And I remember my senior year being in lab, and here I was by myself, talking to these petri dishes, and I was like, I need human interaction.
Corine
And when I would go to my checkups, there's a very profound moment.
Corine
There was a little girl in the waiting room, and we were playing, and she was talking to me.
Corine
And the mom was like, you should feel very honored because she doesn't talk to anyone but us and her doctor.
Corine
And I very much always felt a pullback towards that.
Corine
Oncology has always been a passionate force in my life and something that I've always wanted to do.
Corine
And I knew at that moment that I was kidding myself.
Corine
But at that point in college, it was like, do I drop out and repeat my potential four years to do nursing?
Corine
Do I drop out and do an associate's program and then still have to go back for my bachelor's?
Corine
Or do I finish out and do an accelerated degree program?
Corine
Which is what I did.
Corine
So I graduated with my bachelor's in cellular molecular bio, and then the next year went to Wilkes University for my bachelor's in nursing.
Corine
And then actually, two days ago, I took my last final for my acute care pediatric nurse practitioner.
Corine
Yeah, so just boards left, and then that's kind of like the end piece of my.
Corine
Not end piece, but working with pediatric oncology patients and survivorship and transplant, everything, that's, like, my heart and soul, like, on call, like, my career path is more than just a force professionally.
Corine
It's really who I am as a person.
Nathan
That's very cool.
Nathan
Like I said, I was 13.
Nathan
I had just turned 13, too.
Nathan
My cancer diagnosis was in.
Nathan
I guess it would have been June of 2016, and I had just turned 13 in March of 2016.
Nathan
So I didn't really know what I wanted to do, like, at all.
Nathan
And I don't even know.
Nathan
I kind of just went with.
Nathan
I kind of rolled kind of how I went.
Nathan
Like, I dealt with the cancer.
Nathan
I just, like, rolled with whatever was happening.
Nathan
I just kind of rolled with whatever I kind of went with.
Nathan
And so that's how I ended up in aviation maintenance.
Nathan
Like I said earlier, I want to be a pilot, but yesterday, I didn't like that.
Nathan
I had had cancer five years ago when I tried to be a pilot or when I was trying to take lessons, but that was five years ago.
Nathan
We're going to work on that.
Nathan
But I definitely always kind of wanted to give back to the people that supported me.
Nathan
So that's why I got involved with Penn College's Thawne, and that's why I've, you know, I've continued to.
Nathan
I've been a part of Thawne every single year of college, and, you know, I wasn't a part of Thawne as much in high school, even though Thawne at our high school was massive.
Nathan
I just think I hadn't.
Nathan
I wasn't at that point yet.
Nathan
I wasn't ready to do that.
Nathan
But I regret not being part of it now because it.
Nathan
I just would have.
Nathan
I think I would have liked it a lot.
Nathan
Even though high school.
Nathan
Me probably would have thought about, I don't want to join something.
Nathan
I don't want to do something.
Nathan
I want to, you know, I just want to read.
Nathan
I just want to watch YouTube, you know.
Nathan
But for giving back, that's why I wanted.
Nathan
Worked for Penn State, Hershey's medical helicopters.
Nathan
That's why I'm working on those.
Nathan
You know, I want to.
Nathan
It's a way I can give back while also, you know, working with my hands and working with aircraft, which are two things that I love.
Nathan
Right.
Nathan
That's why.
Nathan
That's where.
Nathan
That's how cancer led me to be where I'm at now.
Sammy
For anybody listening, that is not in the Pennsylvania area.
Sammy
Thawne is a gigantic fundraiser at Penn State.
Sammy
It is a 46 hours, no sleeping, no sitting dance marathon that benefits the four diamonds fund.
Sammy
That is the.
Sammy
The thing that funds Penn State Hershey, that allows people like Nathan and Karin and their families to not have to pay for treatment, which is incredible and fabulously local.
Sammy
High schools and middle schools and other schools also do mini thons.
Sammy
So very cool.
Nathan
And I danced.
Nathan
I danced two years ago.
Corine
There you go.
Nathan
It was a lot of fun.
Nathan
It was terrible.
Nathan
It was a lot of fun.
Nathan
It was so rough, but I loved it.
Sammy
I was part of the dancer relations, which is one of, like, the support people's.
Sammy
A few years, and it was a witness, a Santa witness.
Nathan
I wore a hole through my vans, but only a left foot, right foot was.
Nathan
It was worn, but it didn't have a hole in it.
Nathan
I favor my left foot when I walk, but it was so much fun.
Nathan
I want to do it.
Sammy
If you ever want to tune in, there's a live stream every.
Sammy
Every, like, second or third week of February.
Corine
Very cool.
Nathan
Yeah, it's the weekend this year.
Nathan
It's the.
Nathan
I think it's the 17th, the 19th, but don't call me on that.
Nathan
But I'll be there.
Nathan
I'll be there.
Sammy
As for me and how, like, being diagnosed changed my career path, so I got to Penn State.
Sammy
I was on main campus, and I was initially enrolled in chemical engineering.
Sammy
And I'm not going to lie, it was super inconvenient to be diagnosed with cancer, but it did give me an out because I got into chemical engineering and I realized I hated it.
Sammy
I got into calculus, and I was like, oh, I don't.
Sammy
I don't want to do this.
Sammy
I don't want to do this.
Sammy
And then I got diagnosed and I was like, this does give me a chance to take a semester off and kind of reassess my options.
Sammy
And I was like, that maybe God was giving me an out.
Sammy
So in that semester off, when I was doing treatment back home, I was like, what do I want to do?
Sammy
Because I do want to go back to school.
Sammy
And I probably went back a little bit too early.
Sammy
I was, like, thinking about what I wanted to do, and I was like, I do like science, but I don't think I want to be locked up in a lab all day, like Korean.
Sammy
I was like, I like talking to people.
Sammy
And also a big part of my treatment was like, I had to do this iodine therapy, and I had to do this insane diet for weeks and weeks at a time where I couldn't eat anything.
Sammy
Basically.
Sammy
It was wild.
Sammy
And so I had to really, really focus on what I was able to eat.
Sammy
Yeah.
Sammy
And so I was like, hmm, that could be fun.
Sammy
Maybe I could go back and, like, be like, a registered dietitian.
Sammy
And so then I went back and did that, and I was like, oh, this is fun.
Sammy
I get to combine talking to people and science, and I get to do, like, biochemistry and stuff like that.
Sammy
So cancer did definitely change my career path, and it gave me an out.
Corine
I used to.
Corine
It sounds awful.
Corine
It's another bad cancer joke.
Corine
When I was in calculus in college.
Corine
God, if there's anything that I hate more, it is calculus.
Corine
Math has never been my strong suit.
Corine
Now I can do, like, med math, like nursing math.
Corine
All day, every day, the calculus.
Corine
And, like, when we start adding letters into it, I used to.
Corine
I used to joke and be like, I think I would rather have my worst week of chemo then do calculus.
Nathan
I have the.
Nathan
I've made the joke.
Nathan
In aviation, you work with.
Nathan
It's just how it is.
Nathan
You work with a lot of chemicals that are really bad for you.
Nathan
And I always say, well, I had cancer once.
Nathan
I can't.
Nathan
Chicken pox.
Corine
When you had wrapped this up before, Nathan, about how the FAA was like, oh, well, you had cancer, so we're not going to let you fly.
Corine
Have you guys encountered anything else?
Corine
Obviously, like, yes, we're not allowed to donate blood.
Corine
And, like.
Nathan
All the time.
Corine
Yeah, maybe it's a different.
Corine
When this was back when cancer.
Corine
Yeah, I think.
Corine
Cause I had blood cancer that was.
Corine
Hodgkin's is considered a blood cancer.
Corine
But, like, there's certain things where it's like, no, you can't do this.
Corine
Like, have you guys encountered anything, like you just said with, like, the FAA, like, have you encountered anything where it's like, well, you had cancer?
Corine
So sorry, this is hard now.
Sammy
There was a big push for, like, the bone marrow registry, and I was very excited to, like, get all of my family and friends signed up for that.
Sammy
And because I had had the radiation done, they were like, hard pass.
Sammy
Get out of here.
Corine
I actually, prior to getting sick, like, so my dad, like, he's an air force veteran.
Corine
And, like, very much just, like, considering college and the cost of everything, like, I very much was considering doing just, like, air force reserve.
Corine
And because I had gotten sick going into my senior year, it was a hard.
Corine
No, it was a hard.
Corine
We're not gonna.
Corine
We're not gonna do that.
Corine
And I was like, okay, yeah.
Nathan
I think the only thing that I've run into, because every time I go to Denny blood, they say, it's a question, have you had cancer?
Nathan
And then I have to say, yes.
Nathan
And then I have to have the discussion every single time, yes, I had this cancer.
Nathan
But they didn't care last time I donated blood, and they didn't care the 16 times before.
Nathan
However, I think the only thing I've run into is the FAA saying, no, no pilot.
Sammy
One of the things about me is that, like, I can't tell.
Sammy
I am pretty much constantly tired.
Corine
Oh, yeah.
Sammy
And I'm like, is this just a forever thing?
Sammy
And my boyfriend used to make fun of me.
Sammy
He was like, how can you sleep 13 hours a night?
Sammy
And then a few years back, he got hurt pretty bad.
Sammy
And he was like, I would just sleep and sleep and sleep.
Sammy
And then he was like, I realize that youre missing an organ.
Sammy
Youre injured for the rest of your life, essentially.
Sammy
And hes like, your body is tired forever.
Sammy
And thats the way that he rationalized it.
Sammy
But I was like, am I just forever tired?
Sammy
Is this just a lifelong thing?
Sammy
I hope not.
Nathan
I dont know.
Nathan
Sometimes I feel like that, but also sometimes not.
Nathan
You know, like, so far this summer or this semester, I felt very tired, like, every day.
Nathan
But I have a feeling that it's more likely that I am stressing out too much about, like, work and that kind of stuff.
Nathan
So we'll see.
Nathan
We'll see if over the weekends I improve, and then it'll just be, I need to start doing a better work life balance.
Corine
I actually looked up at one point because, let's be honest, you're in college.
Corine
You're very much trying.
Corine
It's this newfound independence of balancing for me.
Corine
In college, I was a waitress, bartender as my job on top of school, so I would be working sometimes till two in the morning or maybe I was not working and I was hanging out with friends late, and then I had class.
Corine
So I think every.
Corine
If you're.
Corine
I think I feel like even if you're not in college, I feel like everyone goes through a period where their sleep schedule gets really messed up in, like, your early twenties.
Nathan
Yeah.
Corine
And so after that, when I had gotten my first job at chop as a nurse and I was working night shifts, like, I felt like night shift just worked so much better for, like, my life, essentially.
Corine
And.
Corine
But then I just was hitting this wall of perpetual, perpetual exhaustion, and then I would, like, go through awful periods of insomnia.
Corine
And I actually looked it up and found that if you underwent chemotherapy, you're actually at this, or, like, essentially, like, anything that has impacted your potential sleep cycles.
Corine
Like, even with, like, sammy, like, you and your thyroid.
Corine
It's called hibernation, insomnia.
Corine
And essentially what it is is that, like, your body after a traumatic event or after, like, it's exposed to certain, like, toxins, your sleep, your circadian rhythm essentially gets, like, altered.
Corine
So then you.
Corine
You're.
Corine
You could be so tired and you could be so exhausted that you want to sleep and then you can't.
Corine
And then all of a sudden you have periods where, like, you know that you should be awake, but you can just sleep and there's no rhyme or reason.
Sammy
I had a period of just insane insomnia towards the end of junior year of college.
Sammy
And that also because I was in the clear, essentially, I was still in monitoring for treatment, but I didn't sleep for days.
Sammy
And even when I did sleep, it was just for a few hours at a time.
Sammy
And I was like, this is insane.
Sammy
I'm in the clear now.
Sammy
I should be fine.
Sammy
I'm just like, but I'd go and get some sleeping medication and figure all of that out.
Sammy
But that also threw a wrench in my academic career.
Sammy
So.
Sammy
Interesting that.
Sammy
Yeah, that explains a lot.
Nathan
Yeah.
Nathan
My sleep schedule is definitely wacky because as an RA, we have to be on duty certain nights.
Nathan
So every Monday I'm on duty from 08:00 p.m.
Nathan
to midnight.
Nathan
And then, like, this week is especially bad because I'm on duty on Friday and Saturday.
Nathan
And on Friday and Saturday it's from 08:00 p.m.
Nathan
to 02:00 a.m.
Nathan
so.
Nathan
And I also have eight.
Nathan
I have class at eight or 830 Monday through Thursday.
Nathan
So depending on.
Nathan
And sometimes I have duty on Thursdays too.
Nathan
So, like, it's all jumbled, it's not regular and I don't know.
Nathan
So far I'm handling it, but we'll see how it's like in six weeks or halfway through the semester.
Nathan
But I've never had issues getting up in the morning.
Nathan
Like generally if my alarm goes off, I just get out of bed.
Nathan
I sometimes have trouble going to sleep but I just, I don't know.
Nathan
I've been blessed by being able to just get out of bed.
Sammy
What additional challenges did cancer add to your school experience?
Corine
I feel like aside from just going through it as a junior 16 year old in high school, I think it just was the challenge of like now dealing with the aspect of this thought of trying to thrive and survive.
Corine
And as a 16 year old, I don't think that's something you really think of.
Corine
Like, I think that you're very much, I don't want to use the word skating by because that's not fair to say, but you're going through the motions of you're in high school, you're going through high school, you're about to embark on this journey post high school, whatever it is that you choose to.
Corine
And for me during that time, it was this challenge of I was just figuring out like who the hell I was and now I'm having to figure out who I am on top of coping with this big life event that I've never had to cope with something of its magnitude.
Corine
And so I think it just was the challenge of really, like how many people at 16 can say they're honing in on who they are as a person?
Corine
You are never the same person at any two points in your life, but to have to really sit down and have to ground yourself because if you don't, you don't know what the future holds.
Corine
I think that was a very big challenge to have to deal with.
Nathan
Thats hard to say.
Nathan
I dont know if it really did and im sure if my mom was on shed say, oh, of course it did.
Nathan
This is how it did.
Nathan
What?
Nathan
I dont know.
Nathan
From an insider looking out, I think I had for the most part a really normal, average high school experience and for the most part also like people didn't really like when I was like, oh yeah, I had cancer, people would be like, oh, wow, like they weren't, it wasn't like it was a big thing.
Nathan
I mean it was a big thing, of course, but I always was just like, yeah, it was cancer, it was all right.
Nathan
I wouldn't recommend it, but like it was just five out of ten.
Nathan
It was.
Nathan
And it just never I don't know.
Nathan
I feel like I wasn't affected as much as I probably was.
Nathan
Even, like, people asking, like, well, how did that feel?
Nathan
I was like.
Nathan
Like, people say, how did it feel when you were told?
Nathan
And I was like, I just kind of was like, okay, well, what are we going to do now?
Corine
So I was just saying, I think it's a really hard thing for people.
Corine
Like, in the moment, you're just going through the motions.
Corine
Like, you're just, like, dealing with this news and you're trying to get through it.
Corine
And I don't think people necessarily in the moment realize that, like, you yourself may not have actually come to terms with what that feeling was or is because you literally are just.
Corine
You're going through it.
Nathan
Yeah.
Sammy
You have a bear coming at you.
Sammy
You're not thinking about the fact that, oh, I have to tell somebody that a bear attacked me.
Sammy
You're thinking about the fact that I have to run from a bear.
Nathan
Yeah.
Nathan
And along that lines, I would get the line like, oh, you're such a fighter.
Nathan
You're so strong.
Nathan
And I'd be like, I was a 13 year old kid sitting in the hospital bed watching YouTube and reading books, and I, you know, eating and, like, that's all I did.
Nathan
And watching Netflix.
Nathan
I didn't fight.
Nathan
I wasn't strong.
Nathan
I just said, okay, what did the doctor tell me to do?
Nathan
All right, I'm going to do what the doctor says.
Nathan
Except for drinking water when I had esophagitis or, I don't know, the radiation was on the back of my head and then down my spine, so I had a racing stripe.
Nathan
You know, obviously, there's the racing stripe, which is really just awful sunburn, but it was also in my throat.
Nathan
So, like, for a week and a half, I just.
Nathan
I couldn't swallow.
Nathan
Like, I was spitting enough spittoon that I carried around because I heard too much as follow.
Nathan
And when they said, you have to drink water, I was like, no one good.
Nathan
But other than that, it's just like, I just followed what the doctor said.
Corine
So I never had an inpatient experience for chemo.
Corine
Like, I was never inpatient getting chemo.
Corine
And from being a hemog nurse and asking to be mp, I think that kids.
Corine
I don't want to say I'm going to use the term kids loosely, because I think it's hard when you're a teenager to be a kid, to be called a kid, even though you're still a kid.
Corine
I think when you go through something, you're just like, okay.
Corine
You have.
Corine
You essentially have to do this.
Corine
You know what I mean?
Corine
Like, you're.
Corine
You're doing it because this is what grown ups are telling you, but this is also because you have to do this in order to get better.
Corine
And I think that even from a.
Corine
Even from, like, a healthcare standpoint, like, a nurse, a healthcare provider standpoint, there are people who get told that, and they immediately let their child just, like, regress and be, like, not deal with it in a way that they're still themselves and then they're not.
Corine
It's not, like, conducive to their treatment.
Corine
You know what I mean?
Corine
And that's hard for, I think people hear.
Corine
But in this flip end, like you said, like, you don't feel like you were being strong and brave because you were sitting there and just doing what you normally would do with a kid.
Corine
But I think that, like, bravery and your armor and the.
Corine
What you put up doesn't necessarily have to be, like, exploited in this big fashion, where it's, like, you're marketing the fact that you were brave and everything, I think that the fact that you were doing it is just a testament to your bravery.
Sammy
I like to think of it as I picked the really short straw out of the bunch.
Sammy
And the fact that I kept that short straw and made it through that short straw.
Sammy
Yeah, I didn't.
Sammy
I didn't want the short straw, but I continued with the short straw.
Sammy
Maybe I deserve a little bit of respect, but I didn't choose it necessarily.
Sammy
I didn't want it.
Nathan
Another thing, I don't know if I already mentioned it, but when I was in the children's hospital, I was the oldest person there by a decent amount, and I was 13.
Nathan
There were two other people that were my age.
Nathan
The other one, the one, he was there before I was, and he was still there after.
Nathan
And there were kids that were this tall, this tall, this tall.
Nathan
They were there before me.
Nathan
They were there after me.
Nathan
So I always kind of felt I got, like I said, I got lucky.
Nathan
So I was always kind of.
Nathan
Not that you can compare cancer stories.
Nathan
I mean, you can, but you can't.
Nathan
Everyone has it differently.
Nathan
But I was always like, well, it could be worse.
Nathan
So I'm happy with what I got.
Nathan
I feel like I'm doing good.
Sammy
I was kind of the opposite.
Sammy
I was diagnosed at 18 in six months.
Sammy
So I was the youngest person at the adult hospital.
Sammy
Just consistently, at every single treatment center, they were like, what are you doing here?
Sammy
I was like, technically, I am an adult.
Sammy
Final question.
Sammy
What were your favorite parts of school before and after treatment.
Corine
I had to pick before I got sick.
Corine
My favorite part was just navigating the essentially, like, getting into your groove of high school.
Corine
Like, I felt like as a junior, you're at the point where you're, like, not just the baby freshman that has no idea what they're doing and you're about to go into your senior year and potentially good, and then whatever you choose to do after your senior year.
Corine
So I was just really excited to be, like, in the thick of being so close to the end, you know?
Corine
And, like, I just got my permit, so I was learning how to drive, and it was my first prom, and I was just looking forward to all the things that, like, 16 year olds look forward to.
Corine
And then I would say if I had to pick my favorite thing after treatment, honestly, I don't know if I've ever, like, actually said this out loud or thought about it, but it was like, the solace I found in either just sitting in the guidance counselor's office during, like, which my guidance counselor misses Lobbinstein.
Corine
Like, she was absolutely amazing and always there and, like, as well.
Corine
And there were time periods where in between classes I just would, like, go in there for a hot minute to decompress, or I would go to the library and just not want to be at lunch or not want to be around people.
Corine
And that's sad to say, but I felt like I was going through this post.
Corine
I don't want to say post chemo depression, but just this post chemo figuring out my life.
Corine
I just went through this.
Corine
This crazy thing, and now I'm supposed to just pick up the pieces and be a 17 year old in high school.
Corine
Like, it didn't happen.
Corine
And I'm supposed to, like, be.
Corine
I'm writing these college essays, and, like, I always say that having had cancer is, like, the tell us a fun fact about yourself or, like, tell us an experience.
Corine
But I felt guilty playing, like, the cancer card.
Corine
And so it was a very.
Corine
It was in moments where, like, I I didn't have to be around the noise of trying to fit in.
Corine
That then became my favorite think that.
Nathan
My favorite part of school before cancer.
Nathan
Not that it didn't happen after, but after I had cancer, most of the relationships that I had in school, kind of the way I had school, relationships kind of changed.
Nathan
Like, before I had cancer, I would hang out with my buddies, like, a lot and, like, we would.
Nathan
And, like, the group, like, not just, like, my group of core, like, four friends, but, like, we would all, as a, like, big groups would hang out a lot, and I loved that.
Nathan
And, like, I'd have.
Nathan
We'd have sleepovers all the time.
Nathan
Um, my one friend was like, you're my second son, or you're my third son.
Nathan
You're here so often.
Nathan
Um, but after kind of.
Nathan
Most of my relationships were more like, in school, I didn't hang out with people outside of school as much.
Nathan
In a way.
Nathan
There was just a difference.
Nathan
And I definitely enjoyed the.
Nathan
How I hung out with my friends beforehand more.
Nathan
Not to say that I didn't after, but after, I don't know.
Nathan
There was definitely a time in my freshman year where, honestly, yeah, I'm the cancer kid.
Nathan
I had cancer.
Nathan
That's me.
Nathan
Which, looking back, I'm like, well, that's kind of cringy being like, I made it my whole personality for a year, and I'm sure I had fun.
Nathan
I did have fun, like, being like the cancer kid, but looking back, I'd probably do it again if I was 14.
Nathan
But looking back, as a 21 year old, I'm like, you know what?
Nathan
It's hard to say.
Nathan
I definitely enjoyed the.
Nathan
I definitely enjoyed my high school mini thon.
Nathan
When I finally got involved with it, that was really great and really fulfilling, and I really liked that.
Nathan
And I was upset that I had, as a younger kid, been like, I don't want to do that.
Nathan
That sounds lame.
Nathan
I wish that future me present me could go back and be like, come on, man, just do it.
Nathan
Like, it'll be fun, but you can't.
Nathan
But I don't know.
Nathan
I think Karina said something about maturing up, like, maturing faster.
Nathan
I feel like I did because of cancer.
Nathan
And then people were thinking, I'm like, would think I'm older.
Nathan
And I think that's just when you, like, you said, when you have cancer at a younger age, you kind of just have to suck it up and grow up and be mature about it and, you know, it kind of.
Nathan
I feel like I kind of differentiated myself from my peers subconsciously in some ways, even still, I mean, I'm sure you guys can attest to in real life.
Nathan
You're always dealing with people.
Nathan
You're always going to deal with someone that kind of never left the middle school idea of how things should be working.
Corine
There's still an entire group of.
Corine
I tell this to everyone, even my first grade niece today.
Corine
She called and said that some girl was laughing at her because she rolled up her pants and they were laughing at her bug weights on her legs.
Corine
And I was just like, sweetie, sometimes people are just not nice.
Corine
And unfortunately, they're never.
Corine
That grows.
Corine
It goes all the way through adulthood.
Corine
Like, I wish, like, we're 32 years old.
Corine
You're still, like, you're still holding grudges or you're still being so negative about things that happened now 1415 years ago, and it's like, you have children, you have all these beautiful things in your life, and then the fact that you're choosing to focus energy on the disdain that you have for another human being, like, what is that teaching your children?
Corine
Like, what is that doing for you as a person?
Corine
And it's sad.
Corine
So sad.
Corine
And I, you know, I don't think that a lot of people can put into perspective what it's like to be on the other side of that.
Nathan
And that's why I'm.
Nathan
Quotes.
Nathan
I'm glad I had cancer.
Nathan
Big quotes there.
Nathan
But, you know, I definitely.
Nathan
I feel changed my perspective on life and people in a good way.
Nathan
Um, you know, it's so easy to.
Nathan
Well, I can't say that there are so many people that kind of act like that, where it's like they never had that experience to see it from the other side, and then they can never connect that later in life.
Nathan
And so I'm grateful that I was able to have that experience, and I feel like I'm a better person because of that.
Nathan
But don't recommend having cancer.
Sammy
I told my friends in college that, like, I'm not going to play into the trope of, like, the all knowing, the wisest, like, cancer survivor.
Sammy
Like, that's not me.
Sammy
I'm not the trope, but this has allowed me to see through a little bit more of the b's of life.
Corine
Absolutely.
Corine
Absolutely.
Corine
Like, I think it is so humbling, and it does provide you with not even just different perspective.
Corine
It's a different way to think.
Corine
It's a different way to live.
Corine
It's a different way on how you plan doing things.
Corine
And I don't wish that anyone had cancer by any means at all, but I wish that people who were so quick to judge are so quick to.
Corine
To say a mean comment or so quick to essentially, like, minimize the experiences that someone else went through.
Corine
If they were going through it, how would they feel?
Corine
How would that.
Corine
If it was someone that they loved or if it was their own child or if it was themselves, like, how would that alter their perspective?
Corine
And I think that kind of tying into our, like, our talk today, it's like while everyone is sitting there and getting excited, about going back to school and, like, what book bag are they gonna have?
Corine
Or what's your first day of school outfit?
Corine
Like, we were thinking, like, all right, am I gonna wear a bandana or rock my bald head today?
Corine
Like, am I going to bring the Zofran in case I get nauseous during class?
Corine
Or, like, am I gonna be okay without emotional support?
Nathan
Water bottle.
Corine
It's a completely different, different just track.
Nathan
It's good.
Nathan
I'm grateful that I had my experience because it kind of gives me the perspective, you know, it helps me think about, like, does it really matter what Jimmy down the street thinks about my.
Nathan
My braces on my shoes?
Nathan
Like, does it really matter?
Nathan
No.
Nathan
So why am I going to worry about it?
Nathan
And that goes on in the rest of your life?
Nathan
Who cares if you look silly walking down the street?
Nathan
If you're having fun, have fun.
Nathan
I think that having this experience has allowed me to be more myself and not worry about what other people think.
Sammy
Thank you for listening to life on pause, supported by four diamonds.
Sammy
Ideas or suggestions for a few future episodes?
Sammy
Feel free to share them with us.
Sammy
Make sure you, like, subscribe or follow us on YouTube, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcast.
Sammy
Join us for the next recording.
Sammy
Until next time.
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